I have lived all my life in different variations of this skinny body.
I mean ,
With the weight of my school backpack pinning me down,mocking my size ,strength and feelings ..
I was skinny when i was a child ,playing hide and seek on the fields – skipped to the song “public van”
I have earned both Knec certificates ,now about to earn a degree, still in this skinny body..
I must say it’s not easy, it isnt : the preference of thick to thin, fat to skinny,slim to ….
Its been a lifetime of fear now,
Well before i learnt how to shout “Don’t you mess with me,i will tear you down like paper !” I knew well the commandments of fear and tears ..
See am ever afraid,
you know that worry of my necklace revealing my collarbones,..
Or the diamond ring he bought me last night slipping right off my thin fingers..
All the belittling, and the labelling, those spiteful catcalls ,oh Díós Mío forgive these people that know what they do…
I have grown to see my body size become my name tag, more like a lame tag ..They call me ‘kaflo’ because supposedly the name Florence is too big and long a name for me..
Oh no ,the syllables are too many ,they should be fewer and shorter like me ..
Oh wait! That odour, is farmiliar,
That detestable smell of hospital blankets wrapped around a me out to treating a cold or never ending chestpains …
Because i feel cold,This frail body all beaten without Mercy by brutal pangs of cold ..
“You are shrinking Florci,you are fading away ,should I hold your bones together for you ?”
Say what ?
I still fear that my jeans will appear baggy on my thin legs
Or someone could possibly wrap their whole arm around my– tiny waist..
If i believed that skinny is unattractive it’s because I’ve seen unlike poles repel instead of attract!
Karanja is no longer here ,he chose to dissapear, he abandoned being near for fear of my bones ,so razor sharp,so scary piercing his ego..
Strides for pride,a crushed innocence.. If only i could hate all this thinness away..
I am tired of whining ,infact i am exhausted.
This comfort of throwing pity parties and constantly swimming in pools of self pity isn’t for me or you who can’t fill that seat ,because you ain’t thick enough..
I want you to know this …and then ..I want you to know so much more …
Its time to fool the world honey ,and of course your skinny jeans too because that body they find substandard,, is sexy ..its good enough ,it measures up..
You need to love those bones because bones too are meaningful, beautiful..Those calories you yearn for, some wish to control, to burn ..
This skinny body was designed by the Almighty God and every time he looked at it,he felt it was perfect and so are you..
Irregardless of your size ,you are perfect..
Beauty comes in all sizes,so smile,welcome it ,and most importantly ,own it ..
Article by Wachira Florence…