Tell me the cost of your honesty .. 

 What does it cost to be honest with me? Don’t you have a little pity for me, if not care .don’t you have feelings of guilt that you will have destroyed another person’s life with your lies? don’t you have pity on my sorrow, grief ..To sum it all on my tears? Don’t you?

Remember the days when life was brighter than the moon,the sun did not seem to shine more than I did because of what I had. if you asked me I would say I had reached where they call ‘ a land of milk
and honey’ well my Cannan was here.nothing stressed me nothing bothered me I had all I wanted,LOVE they say it is food for the soul and trust me it’s the best thing you can give to yourself.

You came to me with a proposal,I was carried away by your divine looks,so young and handsome ,not to mention all the girls who drolled over you. I was captivated by your first appearance . When I saw you the world stopped for a second. When I looked at you ,I saw an angel dropped from heaven but in an
instance I had to get the feeling out of my head. This was just but a built castle in the air ,no way you could be mine .We lived in two different worlds which I wished would meet though made equal by breathing same air .They didn’t care about my feelings.
   

He was a mighty man from the clan of Nigeria ,renown, amongst the most respected people in the country.I had just completed my secondary education waiting to enrol for my college course,I had earned myself a job as a clerk in my fathers office. Quite an achievement since my agemates were at home idling . Even worse, others working as nannies for their mums. Well ,they envied me .i am a girl who loves watching love stories and and just so you know, they had gone deep into my head. I always dreamt of the happily ever-after love.

Poor girl !the world owes you nothing! Unfortunately, I didn’t know this!

They had come for an implementation of a school project which would take the at least nine months .It became a routine to see him daily and well yes there we were ,building our love story. Don’t forget this had to be our secret nobody would ever find out .After work he was all I would see, think of and to an extent breath.I was all he had on his phone book .This was one great time!

Stars were shining so bright they made the night beautiful .The breeze over the night completed it all as we lay on the ground counting stars.The place was a deserted plain but trees changed the whole look.He looked at me with the divine eyes .What I saw in his eyes was more beautiful than the stars.
He pulled me closer, his masculine hands on me not forgetting his body that left me speechless .My breath was gone. He smelt so nice I wanted to drink him eat him, lick him, and before I knew it ,his lips
were on mine. He kissed me once twice .softly at first ,then with a change of intensity that made me
cling to him like the only solid thing in the world. At this time ,I was helpless, sinking into my own world. I wanted more. I kissed him back ,no way I was going to let him down
I have read stories on vampire love stories and guess what? I had one too! wow this is one you must hear because after he was shirtless before me and his skin so close to mine my nipples in the air, his hands tight all round me . All I remember were soft groans.. low in his throat and his intensified breathing .My heart exploded! I passed out and the moment took control. i woke up to the shatter of the birds. It was past four hours since everything happened.We were there naked in the grass ,not caring what saw us or heard us .It was one great night .We were happy.

This continued for months ,secretly, with no one having a clue of our relationship.Trust me were good at keeping the secrets.No way was I going to entertain tired theories on ”you are wasting your life with an engaged man who will be back to his home and never will remember you” When I sit down and think of that moment ,my heart gets shattered into a thousand pieces .How will ever I let go? I should have known better than to cling on to this pleasure with a price tag on.. Just few days of pleasure than months of pain! It’s like they’ve always said : gullibility is expensive! How will my parents who taught me the values of a woman think when everything comes to light? Mama, I traded the virtues you instilled in me for vices!! I had so many worries in my head. Tell me ..yes do. Would you give up something so sweet which you may never find again?
Every time I looked at him, saw his face, his smile he designed so well just for me, i was amazed. It made me forget everthing, just lock my ears and let the feelings speak .Well yes I did this.He too was good. He gave me all a girl would asks for. His attention,his love ,his time ,he was the most understanding guy I had so far . I wasn’t going to give him up.we were catastrophically in love.We got along so well.He was my private world though only trapped in my head.

In a blink of an eye, I was lost , crying my eyes out. No one was there I could tell my pain .It was just me. My supposed lover was gone .He vanished like the wind in the air and no don’t get this wrong he didn’t leave to his soon to be girlfriend .Trust me I would understand this and try hard to accept it .The reality is, my lover left me for a friend. what happened was all I could make as a sentence.

Remember our love was my world no way was I going to confront her .She would send me to a mental Institution. Too bad she came and told me of their making out .Damn, I felt just like a walking dead. She wouldn’t disclose his identity, similar to our story, he wanted it a secret. I don’t know whether to call it divine intervention or something else.. Whichever you prefer, I landed on their chat on her phone phew; I had to control my tears infront of her and to make it easy for me I avoided her.my lover was there, still looking at me and I never got it. He looked at me, talked to me and shame smiled at me like it was all just a dream he awoke from and decided to forget the next morning. I tried to get him back ,he lied to me that I was still the one.He didn’t know the truth was out on the other side.

My shining star was gone, it hurt like pieces of metal inside my skin but I had to act it up I had to be ok .I had to listen to his lies. They were at times comforting but behind me there was a voice ,rejuvenating .’wake up gal and run like you just had wings last night.’I didn’t want to believe it.He was gone, he didn’t say the truth, he chose others over us ,he forgot everything.. And now I ask, what the cost of your honesty? Trust me darling ill buy it with all my wealth .The truth hurts ,but it hurts less.

Article by Wangûra Diana Mûmbi. 


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